It was a clear, cold night. We brought along a large pizza and ate it in the car at the beach, popping open the beer and wine at the same time. The wi...dows of the car were steaming up from the pizza and the combined exhalations of the four of us, and we were all as happy as it was possible to be at that age.When the pizza was gone we all jumped out of the car, each with a blanket or two, and we ran down toward the waterline. There were fire pits built into the ground and we found enough sticks. ”“Shelby, I feel like the selfish one if this is a one-way best friendship.”“It’s not,” she said, her arms around herself, still facing away from me. “I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it.”“Shelby, I...”“I don’t want to bawl all afternoon, Jacob,” she said quietly. “Let’s get together another time and maybe we can talk more?”“My Sundays are my own,” I gave the best smile I could.“Call me,” she said, turning to me. “I’m not sure I can talk about this on the phone yet, but don’t you. I moan my desire into your mouth as you slide into me, inch by amazing inch. Fucking me slowly at first, you pull almost all the way out and then all the way back in, each thrust a little faster than the last. My legs wrap around you, one of my hands gripping tightly at your shoulder as the other rakes your back. You lower your mouth to my neck and my tits, sucking and biting, marking me as your own. I'm moaning more now and louder, saying your name. You kiss me again, our tongues fighting for. I told her it wasn't my time. I wished I had in a way. It wasprobably the only circumstances in which I would do that.We talked about cross-dressing and gender issues. She asked if I enjoyedmyself. I said yes, and that I would like to see her again. I never did.The truth is, if I did I think emotionally and ethically it would destroyme. And I would confess what I had done. It has been so hard to keep it asecret. I'm just not wired to hurt people, and yet, this is somethingthat could cause.
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