It could be very hard on a teenaged girl, knowing her mother was having sex in the next room. For Jessica, though, it was a true source of joy. She lo...ed her mother, and had suffered through so much with her. Any happiness Carol could find was fine with Jessica. Of course, it made her want that kind of sex for herself, too, but that would come. She doubted there were any more guys like Ryan out there, but... Eric wouldn't be a bad second choice at all, if..." Who should I say is calling?". .."I cant seem to make it stop. All the grounding techniques, all theredirection methods are failing me, as I am caught on the never-endingloop, and cannot get off....."I am a toy. A toy does not think, a toy does not feel, a toy only obeys.A toy does not want, a toy does not need, a toy only serves. ..... I am atoy. A toy does not think, a toy does not feel ....."No one can tell I am lost inside myself. I have long ago perfected the artof putting my body on auto-pilot. I move, I even smile,. So with a little small talk between the ladies and me and a longer conversation with Dort about 'how Geri was doing with the babysitter' the three of us headed back to our seats.As we reclaimed our songsheets and sat down Sarah was busy explaining how this was Geri's first extended stay with a babysitter and her (Sarah's) first real time away from her daughter since her birth. Then she had to know where I lived on the lake and about that time Fred's group started up on stage.Their first number. "Fuck it" I said aloud, "I'll make it fucking work!" It's the first sign of madness you know"They'd rejoined me and taken an arm each as we walked back to where we'd left our clothes,"What is?" Talking to yourself" mum laughed and I laughed with her, but still that crazy bloody idea was nagging at me!I was pretty quiet all the way home, the girls knew there was something on my mind, but they didn't push and I didn't volunteer to talk about it, it was such a fucking outrageous idea, I needed to.
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