Periods of overcompensation. Self-medicating with drugs and spiraling out of control with an abusive partner. Abuse has permeated my life. I ask mysel... why I stayed. I can tell you. I didn’t think I could handle being alone. I loved the house. I loved him. By the end, he had topped yet another level of cruelty. I still hung on. I washed down the counter-top. There were divots. I did the best I could to smooth, even sanded with a fine grain but the evidence was clear. If he had ever gotten up. Either way she wasn't mine to keep. One way or another there was a reason for her to be here, and I wasn't fulfilling my part of the bargain.The problem is, I didn't know what my part of this bargain was supposed to be. I'm pretty certain it's not any Faustian bargain that's going to cost me my soul, but that knowledge doesn't make the moral ache go away.If I respect this car at all, and the person that may well be behind it, then I had to do my best by her. And that started out by figuring out. Adult stores were not shops I'd ever gone into, mainly because I preferred to keep my sexual interests private and I would be so embarrassed being seen in such a place. In my mind, a woman going into such a store was taboo. I believed that only hookers would stick around such places or dirty old men looking for them or any other release they could get their hands on. Honestly, it gave me an ill taste in my gut and I wanted nothing to do with such a place.This should give you some context to my. I couldn’t tell she wasn’t a real female. She explained that she had breast implants and was on a hormone regiment. As I grabbed my bag, she took my hand and said, “Let me show you around and introduce you to the team. You really look good.”I answered, “Thank you, you’re beautiful. You look so natural.”She responded, “I think the implants made a big difference. Would you like to feel them?” I couldn’t resist. Since we were near the entrance to the building and there was no one in sight, I.
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